Challenge of Change

Here we are cruising into the last week of June slightly rusted from all the rain but ever hopeful for a warm sunny growing season still to come. The ribald idealism of bright green May and nothing but growth to come, has given way to a tempering this June. There was murder and mayhem out back at the bird house that has been occupied by swallows all spring. The house was literally turned upside down hanging from the pole, suggesting vandals of the cat kind. The 2 unhatched eggs had been drained by the telltale puncture of a snake tooth and the one hatched baby was dead. The swallows are still landing on and around the house...perhaps wishing to wake up from their nightmare to find their home intact and children alive. Out of 24 days of June, 22 have been rainy and cucumber beetles have destroyed my squash and pumpkins. Some kind of black aphids have turned my fava beans from healthy green to wilted sick. I also haven't found a job beyond my own home and garden. Guess it's understandable that my thoughts turn to the challenges of change. I'm a person who loves spontaneity, surprises and the not quite knowing what's happening frame of mind. I've called many places home and been fortunate to work in many different capacities through my life. I know I am not commitment-phobic because I've been married to the same wonderful partner for 26 years and have held the thread of journal writing since the age of 12. No. I'm not afraid of change. But there is change and there is CHANGE.

Lower case change is about changing external circumstances. I'm not saying it's easy. Usually changing externals means lots of work...hard earth work...moving stuff, cleaning stuff, sorting and dumping stuff. But capital CHANGE is internal change. It's far reaching and life-altering. It seems to come about when external circumstances change you. I just heard from my sister that my cousin's wife had a heart attack on Friday and died very suddenly. In a moment he has experienced a loss that totally redefines him. Two years ago, another cousin was driving with her husband to deliver her 18 year old son to college. In the passing lane of the highway, her husband had a heart attack and died while she reached over from the passenger seat to get the car under control.