April Fool on a Hill

Ahhhh...April Fools. Our first April Fools Day in Bethel, Me in 2001 was a memorable one. Our first winter it snowed about 150 inches and we had company up from Mass. Josh and Beth were here and Josh went outside and heard a pop pop popping sound. He determined the sound was coming from nails in the garage popping loose. He bellowed in that the garage was going to cave in and we thought OH Sure...but when Stephen went out to check, sure enough...the garage was slowly giving way to the pressure of the snow upon it. We got the vehicles out and 5 minutes later, the whole thing went. Josh caught it all on video. At the same moment, the phone rang and one of our guests received the news that her Mom had passed on. Whew. That's what I consider Uranian energy. The kind of energy that breaks down old structure and makes a person wonder if they earned this Karma somehow. Funny though...I had a sense of peace. Somehow I had this feeling that everything was for the best and tho tempted to listen to my stinkin thinkin telling me what a disaster was brewing, I chose to focus on "All will be well".

Today, the universe pulled a similar April Fools joke. I had a call last night from a friend who is going on a ski vacation with a bit of a wound and she was looking for some special tape that Stephen had after his heel surgery. She asked to meet at the top of the race course on Monday Morning ( a ski trail at Sunday River) so I could give her the tape. Stephen participates in the Locals Challenge race every year but today was unable to race due to being in charge of 11 or so British kids just learning to ski. He offered me his bib and told me to go try the race because he had heard me talking about wanting to do it next year. He said I could give his team points just for going. He encouraged me to try it now so I'd know if I'd want to do it next year. It's all about commitment. There's a safety in thinking about something in the future and the actual reality of it happening in the NOW brings up a whole slew of other sensations. Suddenly, the universe was presenting me with a moment of challenge. I could accept the chance as an opportunity or I could listen to all my excuses why it would be better to wait. I could choose to listen to my desire to participate in my life, or I could choose to listen to all the reasons why I am afraid and protect myself from possible danger.

I know it seems like a small thing...skiing around some gates with a bunch of people who just do it for fun. I've certainly practiced my skiing and improved enough to join in the fun. But as I stood frozen on the top of the race course with the blue bib in my pocket, suddenly all my moments of "Just Jump" or "Just Do It " came around to weigh on my heart like ancient pressure as I listed for myself all the reasons not to race. Now I'm 56 years old. I've been waiting for perfection for a very long time. Do I want to wait till 2010??? Damn. I just had to put on that blue bib. I got it all tangled up and some other racer helped me. I got a quick rundown on how to do the gates and before I knew it , I was in the starting gate...Go Ahead #44. So I went.

Small as this moment seems to an outsider looking in, the universe had tricked me and I had brought all my psychological baggage along. A bunch of old tapes. The good new tape I gave to Kate, was given to me by the Creative Spirit. I just had to claim it. So at some point I said to myself...you're ready, your good enough....just do it. So I did. And I took the course gate by gate and I didn't care about my time. I skiied across the finish line and the rush of adrenaline was like a great breath of fresh air across my heart. I rose to the challenge. I had courage. I took heart. I burst into tears of unleashed joy. Damn. It felt great to be a fool on the hill on April Fools. It was more of a practical magic than a practical joke. I feel whole...engaged...commited...my vitality is restored. Healing comes cloaked in strange outfits. I did not cave in under pressure. I simply opened to the moment.